In about 2 seconds my mind raced through a zillion answers that might possibly please a 6.5 year old...She knows I'm a teacher...I've been in her class for 2 months! She wants to know what I do with the rest of my time.
The accolades started rolling through my mind. My mind danced around from the audience of a 6 year old to all the people I've ever wanted to impress. Then as quickly as that entered I remembered. I remembered words from a wise choral conductor at a prestigious Music Festival in Banff,
"You can write all the accolades you want. But your students don't care. They won't read them. What they want to know is who you are right now when you are in front of them."
Finally, stronger than that prideful urge was something that has been spoken into my life again and again. To live fully for Christ I have to lose my life.
I said with confidence, "I'm a mom!"
She pushed again and said, "no, like I mean a real, real job."
Again, and with even more assurance I said, "a mom!"
"No," she said with frustrated determination, "Mrs. Ens, a job. Like with money. How do you get paid?"
"Well, that is a good question!"
She forced my hand and I felt peace, not insecurity.
How indeed do I get paid? I used to try living off of compliments and achievements. However, living off that means I trade in peace. The former doesn't hold its value for long. Peace is a beautiful and incomparable currency!
I have struggled through issues of work and motherhood and meaning. What a gift after many prayers, and many moments of practising, to experience peace and not defensiveness. What a gift to know and experience the promises of God.
Do not be anxious about anything but with prayer and supplication present your requests to God and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:8
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Isa 26:3
You are so right! Knowing we are where God has called us to be is the "money we are paid":-) Peace far out weighs all the accolades at the end of the day. "Her children rise up and call her blessed."
ReplyDelete