I don't know how many years I've searched to maintain focus while busy. A lot! There have been some natural times of refocusing; like during tragedy, having babies were monumental for me, moving, job changes, failures, loss and dissatisfaction.
These times have a way of forcing introspection. This sort of inward thinking can lead to making decisions about how to proceed mentally, physically and spiritually. It is easy during these times to get defensive about where we fit into a particular situation and I know my tendency is to run to extremes saying things like, "I will NEVER do that again." I remember reading somewhere that one should never say never. I didn't think I fell prey to that extreme except that I seem to be in a "never" spot. I may not have said that I wouldn't get back here but I sure thought it.
It's busy. I have been thankful for the timing of spring break for our family and the chance to refocus.
I remember with complete fondness (as if I experienced a stroke of genius) the 15 months I took off work to settle our family in Winnipeg. I wondered if my new capacity was particularly low and if that was in reality what I was most capable of handling. I remember the redefinition. I remember faith formation. I remember a faithful God.
I am fully involved in a job right now that I didn't think I'd ever have opportunity to be involved in again. It may be short because terms have a way of ending before you're ready for them to. But the dilemma I'm in is one of focus. I like to jump into "my" situations fully, with both feet. Have I learned enough in my time of lesser to trust God in the more? Do I have enough focus to trust God for family, faith and friends? Do I trust enough to remember where I've been and where I need to go? Do I believe? I believe this particular season is a gift. Am I handing it with faith and wisdom and love?
I read stories in the Old Testament of God's love to hand pick and care for a thankless and complaining group of people. I read stories where God's desire is to grow them and deeply love them. To miraculously and undoubtedly save them from themselves and from the people around them in order that they might be a people set apart for Him. He asks for love in return. You know what's particularly striking is that He knows they will forget Him. He sends them leaders to remind them many times to not forget the love and goodness of God when times are going their way. He knew they'd forget so He set up a way of living that would facilitate them to not forget they belong to Him. He gave them so many amazing experiences that as you read you think, "how in the world could they forget". Surrounding nations didn't forget and they trembled.
But God's people did. They forgot.
I don't want to forget. I know on my own I will. I want the goodness and gift of God and I want to remember.
How? How can this be done fully? How can I remember the other areas of life that have grown and emerged in the lesser. The gift of being fully present when my kids talk to me, the joy of seeing neighbors outside, the love of stopping on walks to take in a visit or a site, the thrill of thinking through a hard question by email or engaging a surprise phone call. The necessity of preparing meals and caring for needs like laundry. The spontaneity of inviting someone over. The strength to choose a game of SORRY or mini sticks over work.
I just finished reading through Eugene Peterson's memoir: The Pastor. In it he talks about a pastor named Alexander Whyte. Peterson admired him very much and although no longer alive, Whyte became a sort of mentor for him. Through searching and reading Peterson observed something about Whyte that I think is key for my own query right now. He says of Whyte, "It soon became clear that there was no pretense in the man. He took his pulpit seriously, he took his congregation seriously, but he didn't take himself seriously." (227)
During this holy week we set out to remember a loving and sacrificial God. He came to show that we can (because of Jesus) put to death old patterns of living and follow the Jesus way wherever He places us for the season. Remembering God helps us put to death self, keeping me from taking myself too seriously.
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