More Than a Book

As you may know, I have been reading and touting the praises of Lysa TerKeurst's new book, "Made to Crave." A fair number of people have been asking what drew me to this book. I am a bit nervous of people's reactions to me studying this because although I have issues with food (I really like it!) I am not overweight. The author's integrity drew me to this book. The title drew me to this book. In His perfect ways and timing, I believe God drew me to this book. As God continues to reveal areas that I am hanging on to I see how these holds or cravings take me away from living life fully. I am tired of defeat of how that makes me feel. As the book says, "we were made for more!" Usually when asked why I'm reading this book I just answer in a sentence or two. However, today, here is the unabridged answer.

Made to Crave attracted me for its overall message of craving God over anything else. The idea of growing in discipline, self control and continuous victory was like gravy on my meat! I have been realizing that what I really believed in in the past regarding cravings or weaknesses was a sort of spiritual magic. I believed that if I did things the right way, most of which was very external in nature, then God would bless me and character change and desired results would be part of that. I have a very vivid and disappointing memory of this ideal starting to shatter during my first year of teaching. That experience left me questioning God and the worldview I was clinging to. I was impatient and not feeling like I had the time for a lengthy learning process so instead of trusting the matter over to God for more than a prayer or time of journaling, I began trying my own methods. Although I felt complete defeat at the time as well as many times for years after in similar situations, as I look back I see a continuous thread of God's grace through it all. What I once thought was irreconcilable, God broke through, spoke to my pride and has been showing me His way in the matter.

I see this book as God's gracious and perfect timing for the leg of the journey I am on right now. I have been practising various spiritual disciplines in my life believing and truly desiring that God would reveal Himself to me. Scripture memory, identifying lies and fighting them with truth have been so helpful in carrying me and instructing me in areas of forgiveness, in loving, in setting boundaries, in my TV consumption, how I feel about how I look, my reactions and spending or desiring stuff. To the glory of God, there are some areas that I am not craving anymore. However, there are areas that I don’t experience continuous victory. On the top of this list is reactions and eating. I feel like I let myself justify temptations in these areas and then cycle through feelings of guilt and defeat when I “trade in my stew for my birthright.” (See the story of Jacob and Esau in Gen. 25:19-34.)

I realize that I treat these struggles a bit like lent. I give it up and fight desperately for an undetermined amount of time, a time that according to my standards seems sufficient and longish. I achieve some success, feel better and believe I have arrived at victory. But then its slow or even sometimes nasty and monstrous return somehow surprises me and completely upsets me.

When I came across this book I believe my hopes were that God would reveal a bit more of the journey of embracing Him completely. That I could take another step towards being victorious.

One of the personal difficulties I face with regards to self control is the speedy approach I take to everything. Like in my early years of teaching, I want to speak the formula and watch the results. God has been showing me what it means to revel in baby steps and small sacred moments. Alexander's piano lesson on Tuesday was a beautiful moment. We were learning about tonic and dominant notes (the first and fifth notes) in a scale. We were singing a song about it and doing quizzes about it. During a quiz I played the first note and asked, “and what is this note called.” He quickly responded, “tominic!” I smiled and prompted – “tonic?” His immediate response was to laugh his sweet little head off and repeat his mistake. We both laughed very hard and have now renamed tonic. How is this sacred? Well, I can take these things too seriously, by simply correcting and go on. I can be far too focused on the end result to enjoy a moment. Alexander’s immediate and humble response brought such joy to me. What a gift his humility was.

I've been reading through Exodus and the story causes some angst. Here is a loving God, a mighty God who shows Himself in powerful ways to His people. He calls them His own and promises more than they can imagine if only they follow Him and obey Him. They consistently turn away and instead of entering their promised land they wander in the wilderness.

Cravings can feel like wilderness. In the midst of that wilderness I am reminded that God promises that same love, power and might to me, to you. He has called us His own. In the midst of writing through these thoughts tonight, whispered into my soul was a reminder that my name means victorious one. It was a reminder that my name isn't defined by my defeats but rather through my identity in Christ.

To trade my defeating thoughts is a choice that I want and need to make. A few scriptures I am memorizing and believing for battles along this journey are:
1 Corinthians 2:9, "However, as it is written, no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him."

Ephesians 3:20 - 21,Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen!

Philippians 4:13, I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

1 Peter 1:13, Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.

It may just be a book. But it represents and speaks a message of hope and of grace.